Dusty Gulch Gazette
November 21, 2025 – Vol. 147, No. 312
By Jedediah "Dust" Harlan - Special Correspondent - American Bureau
HEADLINE: "CROW SHOT, CLOUDS CRASH - GULCH FOLKS FALL BACK ON OLD WAYS"
Rattlesnake-fast chaos, folks, and a crow that got more than it bargained for.
One scattergun blast, one tumbling rockslide, and suddenly the Gulch was cut off from every “digital dollar” and talkin’ box this side of the county line.
Starry sky above, dust in our teeth, and a whole heap of old-fashioned reckonin’ waiting to happen ....just like our grandpappies did when the banks went belly-up. Oh, and I think we might have grown up watching too many cartoons...
This is a parody written by two kids in America responding to the article published here yesterday about the Australian plan to censor the internet for under 16 year olds. Enjoy.
Folks, it happened quicker than a rattlesnake’s hiss on a hot skillet.
Out by Widow Jenkins’ claim, young Zeke - fed up with that infernal cawing - blasted his scattergun at ol’ Blackfeather the crow.
But wouldn’t you know it ? The kickback jarred loose a rockslide, toppled that shiny newfangled “telegraph wire” tower them city engineers strung up last spring.
Down she went, takin’ the lights, the talkin’ boxes, and every last “digital dollar” with her.
No warnin’, no mercy. One minute we’re jawin’ ‘bout far-off cattle rustlers; next, we’re starin’ at a sky full of stars and the kind of silence that makes yer teeth chatter.
What’d we do?
Same as our grandpappies in ’29, when the banks went up like kindling. We dusted off the books - the real ones, and read by lantern light.
No fancy servers hummin’ like angry bees.
Pa are you reading? kek!
Here’s the reckonin’, straight from the Gulch:
The Pantry Pact:
Miz O’Leary flung open her root cellar - potatoes, jerky, and that wild honey she swears will make a man dance barefoot in the snow.
In return? Doc Harlan (kin to me) stitched up Zeke’s fool shoulder, no coin required.
That’s barter, plain as dirt: You fill my belly today, I patch your hide tomorrow.
No government stamp, no nonsense. Hunger don’t take IOUs.
Disclaimer: No one actually danced barefoot. Mostly. When we go to Church on Sunday, we never wrote this. Sorry Pa, you should never have told us about PR.
The Handshake Ledger:
Over at the Assay Office, we tallied favors like the Gold Rush was back in swing.
“You lent me your mule last harvest - call it square with a sack of beans.”
Trust ain’t coded in; it’s etched in memory, muscle, and the occasional grumble. And EKaren should remember that because kids need to be trusted too. It's a two way street.
One fella even dug up his grandpa’s silver pouch - dimes from ’64, bitin’ clean.
“Better’n paper promises,” he snorted. And he weren’t wrong.
Skills Over Silver:
The schoolmarm taught cipherin’ by firelight - kids learned fractions tradin’ marbles for lessons.
No apps crashin’, no Wi-Fi tantrums - just humans hollerin’ across the canyon and laughin’ when someone dropped a marble down an Australian Wombat hole.
Wombat unharmed. Mostly. And don't forget that Bearded Dragon. That varmint didn't even have a passport , the sneaky critter. How he managed to get to Gulch USA is a mystery.
By sundown, the Gulch weren’t broke - it were doin' fine.
Them digital ghosts? Poof, gone like morning mist.
But the old ways? Stubborn as sagebrush in a dust storm.
Little Josh fixed the windmill with nothin’ but twine, spit, and know-how; earned him a winter’s wool from the shearers. Oh and a bit of VPN.
Lesson learned - or re-learned: Money’s just a story we tell.
Turns out, when the juice runs dry, a sharp knife and sharper wits trump a fat wallet.
When the storyteller trips, you fall back on the truth - what grows, what mends, and what you can count on from the fella next door, even if he’s got a crow on his shoulder.
So keep yer wits, Dusty Gulch. And if you spy a crow, don’t shoot him first - buy him a sarsparilla.
Could be he’s your next best friend.
- Dust Harlan, still kickin’ dust, spittin’ grit, and laughin’ at the sky. Oh and if you think that EKaren can censor us teenagers, think again. Our Australian kin know more than they let on.
In fact, we already got our backup cloud hidin' behind yon horizon. And VPN is just the start.
Footnote.
My kids wrote this and I am so proud. Who says homeschoolng is bad? I think they nailed it. All in the name of fun. Thanks for letting me share this here.
- Chook and his chicks.
Oh, and thanks to Monty for giving it that extra zing. You turned it into a story. I lent a hand but they did the important bits.
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